Keeping the Children in the Closet

Our newspapers, or at least my student paper, are like our children. When we put them to bed, we agonize over the ways in which we have failed them and the ways in which they have failed us. We need to get more sleep.

We, I, assume that other parents work harder and get better breaks, so we push our children behind our backs so that no one but ourselves will notice their flaws. And yet, we are the harshest critics of our own creations.

Looking at the paper critique on Thursday, I quickly realized that many of us are doing a pretty good job and most of us have areas in which we could improve with our student newspapers. But all of those who submitted their papers for review have no need of additional courage as do I. See, I did not send in a sample of my paper because I believed that everyone else's would be so excellent and my child would be exposed as wanting which implies that I, as the parent, am wanting.

My student paper would have stood the test and I should have had more confidence in it. It has been a difficult three years. In my many years of advising newspaper, there have always been challenges but none like the last three years when the new principal and I went to war. And I have seen the quality of the paper suffer because of lack of time and administrative support. But, I should be focusing on the beauty marks of the work my students have managed, not the warts.

I guess I should focus on those editors who give up their free time since the class has been cut from the curriculum. But every time I do that, I think of Carole. She has been with me for four years. This was her senior year and she did not graduate. She did not graduate for many reasons but one of those reasons was that she escaped from the stresses of her life into my classroom and the creation of our student paper. She did this to the determent of her grades, her relationships, her family. And I took advantage of that commitment to see our paper completed because without her total immersion in the student paper, it would not have been managed near as well. I think I carry a heavy burden of guilt that this is the truth.

I am angry that this is the truth. I am angry that students and this wonderful paper are suffering because this is the truth. I let that anger prevent me from stepping up with the paper so that I could have heard valuable reflection on our student paper. And it was valuable and now, I jealous of all those advisors who were better parents then me.

I have got to get my beloved children out of the closet and I have got to get more sleep.

Carol Clarke
Visalia, Ca.
Pioneer Newspaper